I had a little bit of excitement at wok tonight.  some dumbass was walking around the store with a gun.  I doubt he was planning to rob the place or anything; I think he was just too stupid realize that carrying a gun into a store would worry people.  Store security called the cops to ask him to leave.

The moron wanted to no where the sign was that said you couldn't bring a gun into the store, because apparently Pennsylvania is now part of the Wild West and we have to put up "No Guns Allowed" signs.  Then the retard started complaining that his second amendment rights were being violated, because apparently  "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed" means you can carry a piece around in the local supermarket.

Show of hands now, who reading this, believes you should be able to carry a gun around and that the store shouldn't be able to kick you out because of a general fear of robbery?

I was kind of bored the other day at work and was thinking about the They Might Be Giants song "The End Of The Tour" when I realized that how some of the lines could easily be turned into lines about the end of the world by a zombie uprising.  When I got home, I wrote those lines down.  The a few days later I decided to try to finish the song.  Since I'm not a musician or a poet, it probably still needs some work (and any suggestion will be gratefully listened to).  Anyway, here is my parody:

End Of The World

There's a ghoul eating brains and intestines
"live" on WZMB
And it says that the dead are alive
And they want to eat your brains
That the dead have rose and we'll all die
And the dead have rose and we'll all die
And we'll all die, and we'll all die
I should kill myself

It's the end of the world
When the dead rise up
They want to eat all our brains
And it's causing me pains
'Cause I love my brains.
I don't want undead, taking over the world
I guess I'll have to fight for the fate of the world
Cause the undead are taking over the world.

I headed out to the local mall,
By that really good doughnut shop.
I went and shot this zombie guard,
Because he was kind of a dick.
I was looting the electronics store
When a zombie clerk came up and bit me
I screamed and shot his head which went splat
And I started to change

It's the end of the world
When the dead rise up
They want to eat all our brains
And it's causing me pains
'Cause I love my brains.
I don't want undead, taking over the world
I guess I'll have to fight for the fate of the world
Cause the undead are taking over the world.


I tried to cut off the arm he bit
It really hurt to cut off the arm he bit
I tried to cut off the arm he bit
It really hurt to cut off the arm he bit
I tried to cut off the arm he bit
It didn't work

It's the end of the world
When the dead rise up
They want to eat all our brains
And it's causing me pains
'Cause I love my brains.
I don't want undead, taking over the world
I tried to fight for the fate of the world
But the undead have taken over the world.
And I just wana' eat brains,
So shut up and give me your BRAINS!

OK, so I went to a local film festival yesterday and had a great time.  Besides seeing some cool movies, I saw the local baseball team's mascot, two local horror writers, and some Storm Troopers.  The one Storm Trooper was kind of short though,which naturally made me think of Princess Lea's famous line and, also Grease Wars, by lukeski .   Anyway, I figured that since many of these films are available on YouTube, I might as well do some brief reviews of them and post links when I can find them.


Faces - a music video of the song faces performed by Signs of Scarlet.  Not much to say about it, except it's pretty good as music videos go.

Demonstration of the Dead - A video by local horror/comedy filmmaker Reel Splatter Productions, also featuring local horror author Brian Keene.  This move rocks.  The credits are fucking hilarious.  A bunch of zombie rights protesters are eaten by zombies.

Who Drank My Beer - My least favorite film.  A comedy about a CSU guy who save one last bottle of his favorite beer when it gets discontinued.  The somebody drinks it and his roommate goes missing.  It was way too long, and the acting was bad, and the humor seemed to be mostly on the fart joke level.

Womb For Two - another Reel Splatter film.  This one is a "sitcom" about a sixteen year old who still lives in his mother's womb.  Really weird and funny shit. Part 1  Part 2

The Ties That Bind - A cool horror film based on a short story by Brian Keene.  It's about a guy who keeps his wife's zombie tied up in the bedroom because he can't live without her.

Rooftop - a pretty cool thriller about a guy watching a crime boss from a rooftop.

Elkton's Undead - A "documentary" about the zombie problem in Elkton, Maryland.  Another very funny film. Part 1  Part 2  Part 3

It's Not You - A comedy about a guy imagining how his breakup with his girlfriend will go.  Also, verry funny.


One Girl For Me - Another music video

The Babysitter - A comedy that has a plot that sounds more like the "plot" for a porno movie: parent hire a teenaged baby sitter to watch their 27 year old slacker son.  Actually pretty funny.

Mixed Nuts - A comedy about a guy in a bar and the peanuts are talking to him.  It's kind of funny.  The best part is the punchline at the end.

Dr. Bloods Cinema Dungeon - More Reel Splatter stuff.  I suppose this could best be described as wry commentary on the sad state of horror films today.    Guest starring local horror writer J. F. Gonzalez.  Part 1  Part 2

The Outhouse -  A documentary about a 60 year old women and her love for outhoses.  It features frequent use of the phrase "ass baby" and lots of reference to shit.  It is also very funny and totally NSFW. I really wish I could find a video of it to link to.

"They'll Never get Me" - A man who thinks zombies are out to get him locks himself in the basement.  Sad story.

Ironicality - A man wants to commit suicide, changes his mind, then trips and breaks his neck.  Mildly funny.

4:10, Seeking Grace - A guy on a park bench waiting for a lost love.  Or not.  A Drama with a twist.

Brogue - Nearly as bad as "who Drank My Beer." A bunch of guys with bad fake accents sit in a bar and discuss who's accent is best for picking up women.  The sound quality was terrible nad I couldn't even figure out what the one accent was supposed to be.

Love Sick Love - A weird story that wasn't nearly as sick as I expected.  I thought for sure the guy would have his dead girlfriend stashed in the bedroom or be a serial killer.  Still, it wasn't bad.

Ok, so I heard about a site called 8 Tracks where you can take 8 MP3s and put them together as a little mix that you can share with people.  I decided to try it out by creating some themed mixes about cool sci-fi shows.  Star Trek was ridiculously easy seeing as how there are about umpty-billion songs about Star Trek out there.  Doctor Who and B5 are a little trickier.

I do have the album Who Is Doctor Who?, which feature Doctor Who related novelty songs from the sixities and seventies, but most of them suck.  Also some songs from the FuMP, filk CDs, etc. Anyway, the Doctor Who MP3s I have that re worth using are:

1. It Takes Who - The Great Luke Ski
2. I Saved the Planet Earth - Marc Gunn
3. Welcom Back, Doctor - Sudden Death
4. Doctorin' the TARDIS - The KLF
5. Time Traveller - Frazer Hines
6. The Grandfather Clock - Cecelia eng

B5 is even harder to manage.  All I have for that is Tom smith's "Five Years," and Luke Ski's "No Sleep till Babylon."

So, does anybody know of any ofther songs about these shows that I might be able to find MP3s of?

Neil Gaiman linked to this in his Twitter feed, and I thought it was cool, so I figure I might as well post it here:

I mean seriously, how fucking hard is it label a god damn stromboli?  I love pepperoni strombolis, and I hate ham and cheese strombolis.  Yet just about every other time I buy a "pepperoni" stromboli it urns out to be a ham and cheese.  Seriously, can't you fucking retards in the deli double check the label.  Bastards.

OK, I had heard years ago that they were making a Dragonball movie, but not being an uber-fan boy type, I haven't been closely following news on it or anything. Then today I saw a commercial for it on Cartoon Network. My God, that has to be the stupidest looking pile of crap being passed off for a movie that I've seen in years, and considering the shit that Hollywood churns out these days, that says a lot. Based on the reviews, I don't think there's any chance I'd ever watch it, because it is quite possibly dumber than the commercial makes it look.  Here's the commercial I saw, watch it only if you aren't the sort of person who is nauseated by the idea of hacks turning a great manga/anime series into garbage:

I was reading Neil Gaiman's Twitters and I saw a link to an old blog explaining why Anansi Boys was removed from consideration for a Hugo. That post also contained a little widget telling "howm much this blog is worth." Check out mine:




So, since I'm a nice guy who's always willing to help out the little guy, I've decided to offer my for sale for the low, low price of $1000. Any suckers, err takers? :)

I'm somewhat divided on Retail Anarchy: A Radical Shopper's Adventures in Consumption by Sam Pocker.  It's a nonfiction book by a "stand-up economist," which so far as I can tell means that he hasn't had any formal training and he thinks he's funny.  OK, he is funny sometimes, but he's also annoying as hell.

I suppose I should start by talking about the positives of the book.  It does have lots of good advice on how to save money.  This is a summary of it all:Always use coupons.  If the store your at allows it, use store coupons and manufacturers coupons to save as much money as possible.  Always use rebates if they're available.  Don't hesitate to get a hundred of an item if you're getting it for free or nearly free, because you shouldn't have to worry about being fair to the other customers or the retailers.  Always purchase things with a credit card that gives good rewards and has no anual fee and always pay your bill off every month.  Always look online for bargains.  Don't hesitate to trea store employees like shit, because they're there to serve yo.  If you don't follow my advice you're a moron.

As you might guess from the last two "pieces of advice," Pocker comes of as a big asshole in the book--a useful asshole, but still an asshole.  He seems to believe that everyone who doesn't shop the way he does is a moron, and that all retail employees are lazy, rude, morons.  Never mind that judging by the way he comes across in the book, the employees are probably being rude to him because he's a dick who treats people like shit.  The guy also seem to think that every restaurant is overpriced and serves bad food.  He also believe that every item it a piece of overpriced shit, though I think he has no idea how much work goes into some of this stuff-- he says videogames are "software on a plastic disc, essentially a 25-cent item," which strikes me as way undervaluing them even though there's no way in Hell I think thy're worth what the stores charge for them.  The guy also seem to think that every restaurant is overpriced and serves bad food.

As I said, he sounds like an asshole, and at times a remarkably stupid asshole.  Still his advice is probably useful, and he has a website at www.retail anarchy.com and an online talkshow called YMMV, which the back of the book describes as popular, though I never heard of it.  Anyway, in the spirit of saving money, I recommend not wasting it on this book.

Lately, I've been getting quite a few advance copies of books, and I figured it might be a good idea to list how I get them, so if anyone who reads this is interested they can try and get some too. Also, I'm hoping that I might be able to find out some other places I can get free books.

1) Library Thing Early Reviewers A great place with lots of selection in a lot of different categories. The only downside is that you must be a Library Thing Member and you can only get a max of 1 book a month and the books are given away using some sort of algorithm based on how well they match to the books in your library. There is also a related member giveaway which gives away books based entirely on random chance.  (got quite a few books of varying quality from here, favorites include The Somnambulist by Jonathan Barnes, Black Ships by Jo Graham, and The Warded Man by Peter V. Brett)

2) Read It Forward Random House's ARC program for bloggers. They seem to offer 1 or 2 titles a month which are given away on a first come first served basis. Don't always have things I like, but I have gotten 1 or 2 interesting books.  (the best book I got from here is Lost City of Z by David Grann)

3) Shelf Awareness A newsletter for the book trade.  They have a lot of ads for advance copies.  Some of them are just for booksellers or librarians, but some are for readers.  They even occasionally have some SF, fantasy, and horror (this is where I got copies of Pratchett's one book and Guillermo del Toro's The Strain)

Does anyone here know of any other good places?

Wow, who knew that the director of Hellboy and Pan's Labyrinth could write such a cool book. Yes, Guillermo del tor has a novel coming out, co written with one Chuck Hogan. That book is a vampire novel called The Strain, and I was lucky enough to get an advance copy of it.

Wow! The Strain has got to be one of the scariest vampire novels I've read in years. Most of the ideas behind it aren't particularly original, but they're put together in such a way as to make a story unlike any other vampire novel I've read.

The opening sequence of the book, features the landing of a plane, flight 753. Everyone onboard is dead and, of course, a master vampire is there in hiding. This of course is a fairly obvious tribute to Dracula's arrival in England aboard the ghost ship Demeter.

Many of the the other elements have been seen before too. The notion of vampires as being infected with a type of parasite that drastically changes their biology is in Brian Lumley's Necroscope books (and probably some others). The notion of a vampire apocalypse is present in Richard Matheson's I Am Legend, F. Paul Wilson's Midnight Mass, and several other books.

Even so, this is a hell of a book, and one that I think is well worth reading.

OK, so I got my copy of MC Lars' "This Gigantic Robot Kills" CD in the mail yesterday.  I figure since I got it before the actual release date, I might as well post a review.  I think I can sum it up in one word:

Awesome!


It's full of weird, funny, nerdy hip-hop stuff.  I was really amused by "35 Laurel Drive," about his drummer's messy house.  And I was moved by "Twenty-Three," which was about suicide.  There are songs about video games, giant robots, the metric system, Hamlet, and lots of other weird topics.  There are plenty of super cool guest appearances.  I also learned a new word!   Seriously, buy this this album.

I am way to impressionable. I really shouldn't be using my credit cards, but I couldn't resist finally pre-ordering MC Lars's This Gigantic Robot Kills CD, which comes out in about two weeks. It's got guest appearances by Weird Al, Jonathan Coulton, and wormquartet, which is really cool.  And Lars himself is cool.  And if I preorder it I get a free signed poster with the cover artwork.  Oh well, I may be increasing my debt, but at least I'm getting a super-cool Nerdcore album out of it.

First an Update: I have contacted the young woman who's flash drive or whatever I found and am returning it to her.

And now for something completely different....

No not Monty Python, unfortunately. I figured it might be a good idea to take a look at how many books are in my To Be Read pile. In no particular order:

1. Lord of the Dead by Tom Holland -- A vampire novel that's been in the pile for years.
2. Dr. Dredds' Wagon of Wonders by Bill Brittain -- A children's fantasy that I got at Goodwill monts ago.
3. The War Against the Rull by A. E. Van Vogt -- An SF novel from Goodwill.
4. Millroy the Magician by Paul Theroux -- also from Goodwill
5. The Air Loom Gang by Mike Jay -- nonfiction from BookMooch
6. The Beloved by J. F. Gonzalez -- horror novel that I'll probably read soon.
7. Survivor by J. F. Gonzalez -- another horror novel
8. Under the Overtree by James a Moore -- another horror novel
9. Nightwing by Martin Cruz Smith -- killer bats from Goodwill
10. Triage by Jack Ketchum, Richard Laymon, & Edward Lee -- Should read this one soon too.
11. Twice Told Tales by Nathaniwl Hawthorne -- got from the thrift shop.  Dunno why.
12. Space Vulture by Gary K. Wolf and Archbishop John J. Myers -- weird sounding SF novel
13. Pellucidar by Edgar Rice Burroughs -- got cheap
14. Tanar of Pellucidar by Edgar Rice Burroughs --also got cheap
15. The Demonologist by Gerald  Brittle -- no idea where this came from
16. Well of the Unicorn by Fletcher Pratt -- had for years but never managed to read more than a chapter or two
17. The Wizard of Linn by A. E. Van Vogt -- had for years can't remember if I ever read it or not
18. Science Fiction Adventure from Way Out edited by Roger Elwood -- got at the thrift shop for Poul Anderson and Andre Norton stories
19. Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller -- got at goodwill, don't know why
20. Night Wars by Graham Masterton -- horror got cheap
21. Star Trek: Doctor's Orders by Diane Duane -- like Duane, Trek not so much got at Goodwill
22. Doctor Who: Revenge of the Cybermen by Terrence Dicks -- got cheap
23. Carnivore of Light and Darkness by Alan Dean Foster -- had for years
24. Somewhere in Time by Richard Matheson -- World Fantasy Award winner
25. Careers for Bookworms & Other Literary Types by Marjorie Eberts & Margaret Gisler -- should read eventually
26. Star Ttrek: Enemy Unseen by v. C. Mitchell -- from Goodwill
27. Ariosto by Chelsea Quinn Yarbo -- fantasy novel I had for years
28. Alanna: The First Adventure by Tamora Pierce -- from thrift shop
29. In the Hand of the Goddess by Tamora Pierce -- from thrift shop
30. The Woman Who rides Like a Man by Tamora Pierce -- from thrift shop
31. In This Skin by Simon Clark -- horror novel
32. Knight Life by Peter David -- fantasy
33. Star Trek: The Tears of the Singers by Melinda snodgrass -- from Goodwill
34. Northworld Trilogy by David Drake -- read first novel in 2007, never finished rest.
35. Star Trek: Battlestations! by Diane Carey -- why did I get so many Star Trek novels?
36. Star Trek TNG: The Eyes of the Beholders by A. C. Crispin -- another one
37. The Cornelius Chronicles by Michael Moorcock -- got years ago at used book store
38. This Rage of Echoes by Simon Clark -- horror
39. Wild Card 3: Jokers Wild edited by George R. R. Martin -- need to get book 2
40. Fires Rising by Michael Laimo -- horror
41. Ambrosial Flesh by Mary Ann Mitchell -- cannibal horror
42. Berserk by Tim Lebbon -- horror
43. Desolation by Tim Lebbon -- horror
44. Endgame Enigma by James P. Hogan -- SF got at thrift shop
45. The Beast House by Richard Laymon -- horror
46. The Midnight Tour by Richard Laymon -- horror
47. Rogue Angel: Warrior Spirit by Alex Archer -- not sure why I got this
48. The Fifth Ring by Mitchell Graham -- fantasy from thrift shop
49. Mooncrow by Jack Massa - fantasy got years ago 2nd hand
50. Empire by Orson Scott Card -- If Card wasn't such a right wing nutjob, I'd probably have read this by now
51. The Long Last Call by John Skipp -- horror
52. Storyteller by Jane Yolen
53. Wings of Madness by Paul Hoffman
54. The Haunted Bookshop by Christopher Morley
55. Endymion by Dan Simmons
56. The Travels by Marco Polo
57. Three to Dorsai! by Gordon R. Dickson
58. For Love and Glory by Poul Anderson
59. The Star Country by Michael Cassutt -- SF that I've had for years
60. Hideaway by Dean Koontz
61. The Barbed Coil by J. V. Jones
62. The Stepford Wives by Ira Levin
63. Lamper's Meadow by Barbara Minar
64. Time and Again by Jack Finney
65. Kushiel's Scion by Jacquelne Carey
66. The Penultimate Peril by Lemony snicket -- need vols. 4 -11 before I read this
67. The Indian in the Cupboard by Lynne Reid Banks
68. The Conch Bearer by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
69. The Nibelungenlied
70. Orn by Piers Anthony
71. The Secret of the Indian by Lynne Reid Banks
72. The Stainless Steel Rat Joins the Circus by Harry Harrison
73. The 101 Dalmations by Dodie Smith
74. The Confessions of Max Tivoli by Andrew Sean Greer
75. The Leaphorn & Chee Novels by tony Hillerman
76. The Beardless Warriors by Richard Matheson
77. The Android's Dream by John Scalzi
78. The Bone Man by Vicki Stiefel
79. In Silent Graves by Gary Braunbeck
80. The Swiss Family Robinson by J. D. Wyss
81. The Jesus Incident by Frank Herbert & Bill Ransom

That's a lot of books.

Last night at work I was emptying the trash cans. The service desk had emptied out it's lost and found drawer. Everything in was stuff that had been unclaimed for weeks. I noticed a 2 gig flash drive on top of the can.So, I basically said "Ooh, free flash drive," and pocketed it.

I took it home and plugged it into my computer to see what, if anything, was on it. It appears to be the backup of a college girl's My Documents folder. It has a bunch of pictures, some music, a few videos apparently shot with a phone camera, and a copy of Roller Coaster Tycoon. It also has a copy of her resume, which includes her email.

So should I keep it, or contact her to see if she wants it back? If it's been sitting in a lost and found drawer for weeks--or possibly months judging by the dates on the files--that means it's probably not too important to her, and flash drives aren't all that expensive (Amazon lists it for about $21) , but since I can contact this person, I suppose I should. What does everyone think?

I figure that since 2008 is just about over, it's a good time to look back at some of my favorite/least favorite things of the year and to look ahead at what I hope for in 2009.

2008: The Worst

Sarah Palin-I mean seriously, what the Hell was McCain smoking when he picked this moron?
The Economy-God it sucks.
My Mom's health-I still remember that big scare from a few months ago.
My Car-God, how I hate that supid piece of junk, and I haven't even finished paying for it.

2008: The Best

Obama-Coolest president ever.
Free Books-I managed to get free advanced copies of quite a few good books this year.
Economic Stimulus Package-It didn't really seem to help the economy, but every little bit of extra money helps.
money in the street-I found $50 in the street one time.
Noam-I got a new nephew.

2009: Hopes

A girlfriend-My love life really sucks.
$$$-A higher paying job, a lottery win, or just a way better economy would make me happy.
Losing some weight-I could stand to lose some weight, but I probably won't because I love junk food and hate exercise.

That's all I can think of.  I'm sure there's more, but I'm getting hungry, so I'm going to go get some lunch.

OK, so I work in a grocery store in York, Pennsylvania. We closed at six. Unfortunately, some asshole phoned a bomb threat in to the local Walmart at about four. That means we got slammed right at the time when things would normally be starting to slow down. It caused lots of extra work for us at Giant, lots of extra work for the police and fire department, lots of extra work for the customers who had to abandon carts full of groceries at Walmart and come to Giant to do their shopping again, and I suppose lots of extra work for Walmart employees who would have to put all the abandoned merchandise back after the building is cleared. I know it's the season of giving and peace, but I'm all for finding the asshole responsible for this, stringing him up by his testicles, and beating him like a piñata.

If you like reading fantasy, then you should pick up a copy of The Warded Man, by Peter V. Brett, when it comes out on March 10, 2009. I really think this is the best fantasy novel I've read since George R. R. Martin's A Game of Thrones.


The Warded Man has everything you need to make an excellent fantasy novel. It has strong characterization with interesting characters. It has an interesting plot. There's solid world building. Most of all, it's an original story.

It's the tale of a young man named Arlen, who witnesses the killing of his mother by demons. These demons arise every night and kill any human or animal they can find that isn't protected by magic wards. Arlen vows to find the ancient fighting wards that allowed men to fight the demons millennia ago.

Seriously, I liked this book. The sequel is definitely on my want list when it comes out.

Wow! The Lost City of Z, by David Gramm, is a very cool book. It's the tale of Col.Percy Fawcett, the last of the great Victorian explorers. In 1925, he set off on his last great journey of discovery, the quest to find the mysterious Amazonian city that he called Z. He, his eldest son, and a third companion set off into the rain forest to search for it and were never seen again. Many other people set off into the rain forest to find the trio, and many of them--100 by the author's estimation--also disappeared without a trace.

Col. Fawcett was a very experienced explorer, and, unlike many of his contemporaries, he made a habit of befriending the Indians he encountered in his travels. He knew how to live off the land, and had an almost legendary immunity to tropical diseases. He was getting old, but even so, he was remarkably fit. His disappearance was very mysterious.

This book is an action filled account of Col. Fawcett's life as an explorer, the events surrounding his disappearance, and the author's own journey into the Amazon to find answers. If I were to make a list of the top ten books I read this year, this book would probably make the list.

Lets take a look at thing I have to be thankful for and thing I have to be not thankful for:

Not Thankful	Thankful
My sucky Job	my family
My sucky car	my dog
My lack of $	Thanksgiving dinner
No love life	I have a roof over my head
	gas prices are going down

so, I guess that meas I'm slightly ahead in the thankful column.  Have a nice Thanksgiving, everyone!