I know I haven't updated this in a while, but stop leaving all these fucking spam comments. The only person who sees them is me because I delete them right away, and there's no way I'll be buying whatever stupid shit you're trying to sell because you're pissing me off.

I'm not really sure why this annoys me. I don't get mad when people mispronounce my last name, because Filizzi is kind of unusual, and I grew up in York County, Pennsyvania, which has a traditional rivalry with Lancaster, Pa, but It alwasy bugs the hell out of me when I see someone in a commercial, TV show, or movie who can't fucking pronounce Lancaste, Pennsylvania right. I'm looking at YOU Vitaminwater:


It's pronounced LANK-iss-ter not LAN-kast-er, douchebags. I don't give a shit how all the other Lancasters in the country pronounce it, PA's is closer to the original British, so do some fucking research next time you make a god damned commercial, because I ain't buying any of your shit ever. That's how much this kind of thing pisses me off.! I don't know why, but it makes me want to hunt down the people responsible and just beat them senseless with a 2x4 or something!

I had intended to post poetry here frequently, but it's been proving difficult. The only thing I've been able to come up with is a limerick about ShoEboX of Worm Quartet:

 ShoEboX is writing a new FuMP song,
About his love for Forrest Gump's schlong,
And how his nipples throb,
When Tom Hanks gets a job,
And how he wishes that they could "bump thongs."

I created it by trying to rhyme something with "FuMP song." I mainly picked ShoEboX because his name fit in well,  and wne with the nipples reference. As far as I know, he is not actually lusting after Tom Hanks.

So, I have off work today, and since I didn't have anything better to do, I decided to head down to the Goodwill to look at their books, which are pretty darn cheap: 50¢ for paperbacks and $1 for hardbacks. Sadly the only book I could find that looked even remotely interesting to me was Cat Magic by Jonathan Barry and Whitley Strieber, which is a dark fantasy novel.

This left me somewhat disappointed, so I decided to head to the Salvation Army, which is a bit farther away and a bit more expensive: 65¢ for PB and $1.45 for HB. I had much more luck picking out books there:

•  Sight Unseen by Andrew Neiderman -- A horror novel that looks pretty interesting.
•  CHALLENGE TO SCIENCE by Jacques and Janine Vallee -- a book on UFOlogy
•  Children of the Night by Dan Simmons -- another horror novel
•  Icebound by Dean Koontz -- Thriller by one of the greats
•  Insomnia by Stephen King -- Horror by the master of horror
•  Star Trek 7 and Star Trek 10 by James Blish -- I'm not much of a Trekkie, but these look odd.
•  Hyperion by Dan Simmons -- Science fiction novel
•  Blue World by Robert McCammon -- A collection of horror short stories
•  Lightning by Dean Koontz -- Anothe book by Koontz
•  The Blood Angels omnibus by James Swallow -- I don't actually know anything about the "Warhammer 40,000" games, but I love omnibuses.
•  Ciaphas Cain: Hero of the Imperium by Sandy Mitchell -- Another Warhammer omnibus
•  The Fantasy Worlds of Peter Beagle by Peter Beagle -- I love Beagle's The Last Unicorn, which is in this omnibus, as are several other works that I haven't read.
•  Harp of Imach Thyssel by Patricia C. Wrede -- A fantasy novel
•  The Witches of Eileanan by Kate Forsyth -- another fantasy novel
•  Friday by Robert A. Heinlein -- Heinlein is one of the best SF authors
•  Godzilla 2000 by Marc Cerasini -- A Godzilla novel
•  Achilles' Choice by Larry Niven and Steven Barnes -- another SF novel

For a little over $15, I got 19 books. not a bad day.

This one wasn't too hard. I found it kind of enjoyable, and I think it's amusing.

:P

 Oh Capital P--
Hanging out with a colon--
Why stick your tongue out at me?
I mean come on,
What did I ever do
To make you mock me so?
I wish I knew,
If you even know.

Next in the book is the Apostrophe, which apparently means a poem addressed to someone who isn't actually there. I think I'll be skipping that. That leads me to the Ballad, which is doable. I just have to think of a person to write a ballad about.

This one was fairly easy. If you don't know what saline noobs mean see 99 Words For Boobs. The only rear problem is that the word the acrostic has an odd number of letters, so I was forced to use an ababccc rhyme scheme, which I didn't want to use, but was the best I could think of.

<Insert Beavis & Butthead Style Laughter>

 Beloved by men,
Orbs designed by God,
Odes aplenty we pen,
Because our rod
Increases in size
Every time the twins arise.
Saline noobs are the prize.

Up next in the book is Allegory, which I'll be skipping because it's not my sort of thing and Alliteration, which is a poetic tool not a type of poem.  I'll be doing the next type, which is the Alphabet Poem. These can take several forms: 26 words each starting with a letter A-Z, 26 lines A-Z, or A poem about a letter.

Okay, so I have learned that trying to write rhyming gibberish with a halfway decent meter that almost seems to make sense is actually not very easy., but I have persevered! Yes, I have completed what I view as a halfway decent abstract poem. Since I'm not a poet, I doubt anyone who is would view it as even halfway decent, but what the hell. This is mainly a reason to post here more frequently.

This Ain't As Easy As It Looks

Lo! The quagmire bat
And the hothouse dog
Were shot whit the penguin's gat.
“I am lost in a tremulous fog,”
Grumbled an incidental tree.
The palsied shrub did reply,
“Hummus! Hummus topped with brie!
And a flatulent lemon pie!”
As the airplane syrup did drizzle,
And the barbarian cook did swelt--
Right Mightily, Fo Shizzle--
For the love of his turkey belt.

 

The next type of poem in the book should be easier: the Acrostic. This is the one where the first letters of each line should form a word or phrase.

You know, I hardly ever update this any more. I need to change that, so that will be my resolution, but with a sort of a twist.

Back when I was in college, I took some courses on creative writing. One of our textbooks was The Teachers and Writers Handbook of Poetic Forms. I have decided to use this book as the basis for some posts.  It lists a few dozen different types of poetry and tells how write them. I'm not going to do them all, because some are too long or too boring, but I'm going to try as many as I can. I'm also going to try to make the poems silly and or humorous, even if they aren't supposed to be, because that's how I roll.

Anyway, the first listing is for Abstract Poetry, which as far as I can see, is basically like one of the weirder Worm Quartet song: a bunch of random words strung together in a weird , yet harmonic way. I think. At least that's what I'll try to do for poem number one.

I think I will cal this experiment "Yoyogod's Poetry-palooza 2010," and you'll start seeing it whenever I finish the damn thing.

I had a little bit of excitement at wok tonight.  some dumbass was walking around the store with a gun.  I doubt he was planning to rob the place or anything; I think he was just too stupid realize that carrying a gun into a store would worry people.  Store security called the cops to ask him to leave.

The moron wanted to no where the sign was that said you couldn't bring a gun into the store, because apparently Pennsylvania is now part of the Wild West and we have to put up "No Guns Allowed" signs.  Then the retard started complaining that his second amendment rights were being violated, because apparently  "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed" means you can carry a piece around in the local supermarket.

Show of hands now, who reading this, believes you should be able to carry a gun around and that the store shouldn't be able to kick you out because of a general fear of robbery?

I was kind of bored the other day at work and was thinking about the They Might Be Giants song "The End Of The Tour" when I realized that how some of the lines could easily be turned into lines about the end of the world by a zombie uprising.  When I got home, I wrote those lines down.  The a few days later I decided to try to finish the song.  Since I'm not a musician or a poet, it probably still needs some work (and any suggestion will be gratefully listened to).  Anyway, here is my parody:

End Of The World

There's a ghoul eating brains and intestines
"live" on WZMB
And it says that the dead are alive
And they want to eat your brains
That the dead have rose and we'll all die
And the dead have rose and we'll all die
And we'll all die, and we'll all die
I should kill myself

It's the end of the world
When the dead rise up
They want to eat all our brains
And it's causing me pains
'Cause I love my brains.
I don't want undead, taking over the world
I guess I'll have to fight for the fate of the world
Cause the undead are taking over the world.

I headed out to the local mall,
By that really good doughnut shop.
I went and shot this zombie guard,
Because he was kind of a dick.
I was looting the electronics store
When a zombie clerk came up and bit me
I screamed and shot his head which went splat
And I started to change

It's the end of the world
When the dead rise up
They want to eat all our brains
And it's causing me pains
'Cause I love my brains.
I don't want undead, taking over the world
I guess I'll have to fight for the fate of the world
Cause the undead are taking over the world.


I tried to cut off the arm he bit
It really hurt to cut off the arm he bit
I tried to cut off the arm he bit
It really hurt to cut off the arm he bit
I tried to cut off the arm he bit
It didn't work

It's the end of the world
When the dead rise up
They want to eat all our brains
And it's causing me pains
'Cause I love my brains.
I don't want undead, taking over the world
I tried to fight for the fate of the world
But the undead have taken over the world.
And I just wana' eat brains,
So shut up and give me your BRAINS!